Here's another variable to consider. I'm not quite sure what to make of it.
Very often people look at writing without trying to 'understand' what the author is saying in relation to *her* life whatsoever. Instead, they attempt to use it as a tool for their own self understanding. They 'see themselves' in the essay.
Reminds me of the line: "We realise that the way others interpret us is often more reflective of them than of us."
I think about that too -- how art is communication, yet engaging with art is so often an act of self-reflection/internal communication. I do think both internal and audience-to-author communication happens a lot (e.g. the frequent discussion I've seen about the concept of "death of the author") and that both frameworks have their uses! The potential for self-reflection that art offers is a way to connect with ourselves, while the potential for communication with author and others who have shared said art is a way to connect with others. I think they complement each other, like two facets of a larger face :-)
Oh absolutely. I have to leave you with this Proust quote.
"It is only through a custom which owes its origin to the insincere language of prefaces and dedications that a writer says "my reader". In reality, every reader, as he reads, is the reader of himself. The work of the writer is only a sort of optic instrument which he offers to the reader so that he may discern in the book what he would probably not have seen in himself. The recognition of himself in the book by the reader is the proof of its truth and vice-versa, at least in a certain measure, the difference between the two texts being often less attributable to the author than to the reader."
“The truth is, there is a point at which we realise that desperately seeking others to understand you is just a softer, more palatable form of seeking approval.”
WOW. This entire article resonated with me heavily. I really needed to hear this line in particular. Thank you for sharing your writing with us I enjoy reading it so much!
“We’ve reached a point when the only understanding that matters is our own. I keep this newsletter and space for myself, writing not to be understood per se, but to remind myself of who I am.”
I adore your work and I resonate with this piece so heavily! I started my newsletter to save myself from the growing presence of nonchalance, but I think sometimes it’s easy to forget yourself when you’re centering the understanding of others. In doing so, you end up self-abandoning and (my hot take is that) the writing will inevitably suffer.
Such a great reflection! I love the idea of embracing ourselves rather than seeking approval from over explaining. It's definitely a skill that needs to be practiced.
"When I peel back the layers of my own need to be seen, I often find a buried, quiet fear—the fear of being misjudged, mischaracterised, or dismissed" ... you worded this so beautifully, we are afraid of how we are perceived by others, we fear the 'consequences' of their opinions.
I've been coming to terms with an impactful instance of doing my damnedest to communicate who I was, hoping to be understood as different and accepted anyway by my parents. It didn't work -- no matter how well something is phrased, it's not going to change the audience's mind about whether or not they're interested in listening.
For a while afterwards I felt shaken to my core about communication, like the entire act of trying to share with others was only futility and risk. This has gotten better after moving out and talking to people who choose to listen to to me (taking a Public Speaking class helped a surprising amount lmao), but I'm left with an... aversion, maybe, or disinterest... in explaining myself to others anymore.
All that to say, I really appreciate this framing. It offers a more dynamic perspective than "something in me is broken/dulled and I need to work to get back to what is normal: seeking to be understood." My communication choices don't have to be rooted in fear, they can be rooted in contentment and self-assuredness.
Here's another variable to consider. I'm not quite sure what to make of it.
Very often people look at writing without trying to 'understand' what the author is saying in relation to *her* life whatsoever. Instead, they attempt to use it as a tool for their own self understanding. They 'see themselves' in the essay.
Reminds me of the line: "We realise that the way others interpret us is often more reflective of them than of us."
I think about that too -- how art is communication, yet engaging with art is so often an act of self-reflection/internal communication. I do think both internal and audience-to-author communication happens a lot (e.g. the frequent discussion I've seen about the concept of "death of the author") and that both frameworks have their uses! The potential for self-reflection that art offers is a way to connect with ourselves, while the potential for communication with author and others who have shared said art is a way to connect with others. I think they complement each other, like two facets of a larger face :-)
Oh absolutely. I have to leave you with this Proust quote.
"It is only through a custom which owes its origin to the insincere language of prefaces and dedications that a writer says "my reader". In reality, every reader, as he reads, is the reader of himself. The work of the writer is only a sort of optic instrument which he offers to the reader so that he may discern in the book what he would probably not have seen in himself. The recognition of himself in the book by the reader is the proof of its truth and vice-versa, at least in a certain measure, the difference between the two texts being often less attributable to the author than to the reader."
Ooo that quote is excellent! "In reality, every reader, as he reads, is the reader of himself." Well-expressed!! Thank you for sharing it :-D
“The truth is, there is a point at which we realise that desperately seeking others to understand you is just a softer, more palatable form of seeking approval.”
WOW. This entire article resonated with me heavily. I really needed to hear this line in particular. Thank you for sharing your writing with us I enjoy reading it so much!
aww, thank you for reading my work! i'm glad it resonated with you :)
“We’ve reached a point when the only understanding that matters is our own. I keep this newsletter and space for myself, writing not to be understood per se, but to remind myself of who I am.”
I adore your work and I resonate with this piece so heavily! I started my newsletter to save myself from the growing presence of nonchalance, but I think sometimes it’s easy to forget yourself when you’re centering the understanding of others. In doing so, you end up self-abandoning and (my hot take is that) the writing will inevitably suffer.
thank you, alexis! yes, you are right, the writing will suffer when you prioritise others' understanding over your own
Such a great reflection! I love the idea of embracing ourselves rather than seeking approval from over explaining. It's definitely a skill that needs to be practiced.
thank you! yes, it is a skill that i am still practising every day :)
"When I peel back the layers of my own need to be seen, I often find a buried, quiet fear—the fear of being misjudged, mischaracterised, or dismissed" ... you worded this so beautifully, we are afraid of how we are perceived by others, we fear the 'consequences' of their opinions.
thank you for reading :) our fear of other people's opinions on us can be suffocating
You blessed me Sis. Thank you
thank you for reading, sis.
This resonates a lot.
I've been coming to terms with an impactful instance of doing my damnedest to communicate who I was, hoping to be understood as different and accepted anyway by my parents. It didn't work -- no matter how well something is phrased, it's not going to change the audience's mind about whether or not they're interested in listening.
For a while afterwards I felt shaken to my core about communication, like the entire act of trying to share with others was only futility and risk. This has gotten better after moving out and talking to people who choose to listen to to me (taking a Public Speaking class helped a surprising amount lmao), but I'm left with an... aversion, maybe, or disinterest... in explaining myself to others anymore.
All that to say, I really appreciate this framing. It offers a more dynamic perspective than "something in me is broken/dulled and I need to work to get back to what is normal: seeking to be understood." My communication choices don't have to be rooted in fear, they can be rooted in contentment and self-assuredness.
Thank you!
this is such a beautiful growth of your journey. thank you for reading my work!