stop equating human decency for love

kindness is not an invitation for romance

Andrii Frolov

The boy who liked your Instagram story and opened the door for you is not in love with you. He was being polite. The classmate who lets you peek at their homework answers is not your soulmate. The girl who asked if you were ok when she saw you crying is not planning a wedding with you. The waiter who laughed at your joke is at work. People need to stop seeing acts of kindness as methods of flirtation. Sometimes, it is truly not that deep. Politeness is so rare these days, that people see it as love. There are films and shows we watched as kids, that always portrayed love as kindness.

While I appreciate anyone kind, polite and friendly towards me, I do not see them as potential partners because of our simple interaction. I do not analyse why they liked my Instagram post. I do not daydream about any future with them simply because they helped me with something I struggled with. When I help people, I do it because it is my nature to be friendly, respectful, welcoming, extroverted, and polite towards others—not because I’m trying to secure a date night. Not everything is romantic.

The concept and feelings associated with love tend to get thrown around so easily. She smiled at you. She wants to date you! Did he greet you? He must be madly in love! All these things take away the meaningfulness behind love and create a generation of people who will overthink when it comes to being kind and nice towards others, scared they might get accused of being flirty or stealing someone from their partner.

I unfollowed a dude on Instagram. He reposted an Albert Camus quote, and I liked it. He then messaged me, “chill. i don’t like you in that way.” I was confused so I replied with “???” He went on about how liking that post implied that I had a crush on him. Baffled, I just left his message unread because I did not have time to laugh. This little event brought me back to my 11-12-year-old self who used to have crushes on people every second. During those years, I was bullied by many people. I developed crushes so quickly back then because when people were kind to me, in my desperation, my preteen heart would swell up thinking she found her one true love—her knight.

From high school to now, I finally understand that kindness and decency should be the foundation of human interaction, not misinterpreted as a flimsy romantic interest. I strongly believe everyone deserves respect and empathy without assuming it may lead to something more. Boundaries between basic courtesy and deeper feelings can sometimes be blurred. However, kindness does not come with strings attached.

Do you like them because of who they are and the deep connection you two share or because no one has treated you well and they are the first to do so?

Just a thought for breakfast.

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“Kindness is rare but valuable. It’s also deserved.” — Miranda Lyn