the relationship i have with my notes app
passwords, unfinished poems, and crying sessions
Ruby and I were hanging out in town on a chilly Autumn day. It was a cloudy day with a crisp breeze. We decided to go to the art gallery for a writing session. Ruby told me how much she was a ‘notes app kind of writer’ which I thought about for a while.
You see, my notes app has seen a lot of stuff. A lot.
I think there is something intimate about the connection I share with my notes app. I could write my to-do lists for university, draft a long text message, or juggle my emotions. I don’t delete any of my notes simply because I want to see how much I’ve changed over the years.
I want to see the joyful naivety of my 13-year-old self. I want to see the moody and tearful 16-year-old. When I go through the archive, it’s almost like a blueprint of my soul. Deleting any of it would be like erasing my only legacy—my past.
My notes app is a personal space I don’t let anyone else see. I tried sorting them into specific categories to be put here, so enjoy the messiness of my notes app!
trying to be productive (and failing sometimes)
I have many lists for food, shopping, birthdays, and to-do tasks. For me, it’s mostly to-do tasks. I have a lot to juggle—from academics, substacks, writing submissions, and social hangouts, that I can't rely on memory alone. Sometimes I focus more on making my to-do lists than doing said tasks. I usually do it by categorising my tasks rather than having one giant list that looks intimidating.
rough poetry and stories
When I’m feeling melancholic and I don’t feel like telling my friends or family, I always say that whatever happened is between me, God and my notes app. It is way more accessible than therapy (although you should still go if you can!) and less demanding than journaling. My notes app is a clean slate where I can dump my emotions and there is no judgment. Some of my best writing works were birthed in the notes app. Although when I’m writing at the moment that is not my main goal—it is just to get whatever is making me cry out of my system. It’s always so funny coming back later, reading them and thinking “What the heck?”
to read or not to read
There are so many books to read and so little time. I told my dad I wish I were 7 again; when I didn’t have much to do. When my only issue was deciding if I was going to watch Sofia The First or Winx Club. I told him when I was 11-12 years old, I read so many books because I had so much free time. Now I’m struggling to get through one book because another task will be waiting for me and I want silence. Sometimes to comfort myself, I may go into my notes app and look at the books I want to read.
“If you do not write the thoughts of the moments, it is lost forever. Any experience, which is not written, will be lost in time. Rich literature is lost forever.” — Lailah Akita
such a mood, but the light mode horrifies me 🫢
omg a whispers of oizys feature, I've finally made it in life