beautiful souls are shaped by ugly experiences

it took a lot of violence to become this gentle

Andrii Frolov

I often think about how people have hurt, excluded, and betrayed me. Sometimes, I reflect on their words and actions—how they made me think and feel. My younger self went through a lot but I want to believe she would be proud now. She went through a lot of anger, tears, fear and wishing into her pillow and the sky for answers. She does not know that all those experiences, as painful as they were, shaped her into someone who has matured a lot. I want to hug, comfort and love my younger self. I have always been a huge advocate of not letting your suffering and struggles become synonymous with your identity. However, I don’t think I would have grown passionate about certain things if I did not have specific experiences or thoughts. I do not know how people view me but I do know that I feel closely aligned with my identity and soul.

My experiences don’t overshadow who I am now. Instead, they’ve contributed to the depth of my character, making me someone who can understand others’ pain, advocate for what I believe in, and maintain a strong sense of self. In this way, it acknowledges the paradox of human growth—beauty can arise from adversity and that our struggles, while not defining us, can shape our essence. Some of the most compassionate, empathetic, and resilient people I’ve met, emerged from painful circumstances. Everyone at some point, faces experiences that challenge their sense of self and security. They can take many forms—loss, betrayal, trauma, hardship and injustice. These experiences leave lasting scars, but also present space for changes.

A beautiful soul has been refined through the fires of adversity. Just as pressure and heat turn carbon into diamonds, the intense, often painful experiences can shape a person’s character, helping them develop traits like wisdom and softness. It is not an easy process nor is it immediate. Still, as time continues, it can lead to a deeper appreciation of life, a greater capacity for love, and a stronger, authentic identity. After the bullying I experienced in my intermediate school and dealing with horrid teachers and classmates at high school, I’ve reevaluated my life, beliefs and priorities. I’ve had to sit down and understand what truly matters to live a purposeful life. I don’t want to be defined by my pain but rather use it as a catalyst for a big metamorphosis. I’ve channelled many experiences into my creative endeavours, and personal relationships, in hopes of making a positive impact on the world and helping others.

Someone having true gentleness and beauty is not merely the absence of violence and pain, but rather the result of facing it and surviving. Those who embody gentleness often do so not because they have never experienced violence, but because they have learned from it. A teacher from my old high school said, “The person who has suffered the most wears it on their sleeve.” I laughed when she said this because it is inaccurate. She does not understand that it is the person who has seen and experienced the destructive power of violence and pain, both within themselves and in others and has consciously chosen to cultivate gentleness as a response—which is an act of courage.

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“Beautiful souls are shaped by ugly experiences.” — Matshona Dhliwayo